Josh Lovell's Blog

2010-08-25T21:24:00.000-07:00

http://www.thejoshlovell.tumblr.com/

prob wont use this much anymore

2009-03-19T15:23:00.000-07:00

i feel like i look for reason to write. Just refer to this Blog by my friend Alan and I.

Just bought ever misfits vinyl that Vintage Vinyl in st louis had. -thejoshlovell

2009-03-11T13:43:00.000-07:00

--Josh Lovell

Prove yourself to yourself

2009-03-09T16:23:00.001-07:00

I'm so confused I don't even know who I am anymore.
And that's partly because I don't know who anyone else is.
Quarter life crisis.
Some parts of me tell me to do "the right thing".
Some parts say fuck it.
The worst part is that I don't know what the right thing is.
I'm happy but I know it can't last long.
I've learned that at least through life.
I feel like second chances are deserved and ever third.
Everyone fucks up.
But its also bullshit to give that in some aspects but not others.
Everyone wants it all
And they want me to give it to them.
I haven't needed to prove myself since I was probably 20
But I see a lot of people that do and think no one can tell.
I have a lot of fucked up things about me,and if you know my life you
might even say I have an excuse,but if you know my life you probably
also know that I'm not about making excuses.
I've delt with a lot of bullshit in the past year.
And I probably know how to end it,I just never do.
Am I weaker than I think?
Do I have a heart or am I just afraid?
No one can answer anything.
They just add more questions.
So why do I count on them.
I honestly feel like no one is there for me,they just need me to be
there for them.
Fuck it.
Misanthropy.
--Josh Lovell

2009-03-06T23:56:00.001-08:00

My birthday is the first day of spring.

Jim's steaks!!

2009-03-06T15:46:00.000-08:00

--Josh Lovell

Days off

2009-03-02T23:22:00.000-08:00

I had 2 days off from taste of chaos. It was much needed. I went into this tour not very into it.Then it got worse because i got super sick. Buttttt i got better just in time to come home and have 2 awesome relaxing days at home. Spent them with Heather, and it was awesome. It felt alot like old,happier times,which is awesome because finding that happiness and connecting again feels so good. I dont want to be miserable all the time haha. Believe it or not. Things are "Alright"

2009-02-24T17:42:00.001-08:00

what is it thats everything?
the internet is truth
the way you act is a lie
no one knows trust unless they realize the other side of hate
happiness is a chemical imbalance
sadness is worse
pain is truth
more or less
im a liar, i swear to you im a liar
what do you believe?
i believe in myself and nothing else?
most people dont even believe in themselves
at least ive go that
well wait? what does this mean?
are you depressed?
are you insane?
are you trying to tell me something cause you wanted ME to read this?
FUCK NO!
FUCK YES!
FUCK IT ALL!
gettin deeeeeppppppp
better slow down or ill sink.
until the day i die ill know one thing
and that is nothing

writing things like this helps my thoughts be less random. Maybe you think im crazy,maybe depressed. maybe both are true,but i doubt it.

i dont feel alive.

2009-02-23T17:39:00.000-08:00

sickness brought me down.

I need to find life again.

i miss these cats.

I made these merch boards.

2009-02-21T17:43:00.000-08:00

I Like them. And i like the merch on this tour alot.

Tucson AZ

2009-02-19T17:36:00.000-08:00

Ok so this morning i woke up feeling sooooo shitty and sick. Its like a combo of every sickness or something. it fucking sucks. I just feel really dizzy and weak and my head hurts like fuck. I need to take some nyquil tonight and get good sleep,maybe ill feel better tomorrow. i have a pretty strong immune system so im confident that i can get over this quickly,but it sucks sitting through these fucking marathon shows when i feel like shit and just wanna go to sleep. whatever,enough complaining.

The shows have been getting better. I think the one Chico show was a downer for everyone. Bad reaction,bad merch sales. Its just something were not too used to lately. Maybe its humbling in a way. I feel like this tour isnt our fans though,and thats the problem. its more like making new fans. we do pretty well in CD sales everynight so i feel like in the end its a good thing. Im pretty proud of your merch on this tour,cause it was pretty much all my decisions and it came out aweome. the hoodies are the fucking coolest thing ever.

Danzig is on the new rock of love? weird.

Here we are in Bakersfield..

2009-02-17T16:54:00.000-08:00

Same place we started the NFG tour all those months ago. the same venue that Alan got his bag stolen. I decided i dont like taste of chaos as of now. last nights show sucked. i feel like this line up doesnt really work well together. its like peanut butter and mayonaise with bananas in it on pita bread hahaha. all are good for somethings, but together?? i dont know about that. haha

Well anyways I'm working on being happy again so thats good. Cant just hate life forever. can i? Well either way im getting myself back to a good place and where i want to be. My life is good.

XXX

2009-02-16T00:55:00.000-08:00

Day 1 of Chaos

2009-02-15T01:36:00.001-08:00

First day of Taste of Chaos today. Went very well. Alot of awesome people and friends on this tour. I love hanging with merch dudes,we're all such assholes haha. I'm trying this new thing on this tour where I'm social and meet people rather then just walking by everyone for 2 months without introducing myself haha. Im excited for the rest of the tour. Excited for the merch we have and the how good the bands doing. Good Mood. Weird. C is my favorite person.

Taste Of Ghaos

2009-02-14T19:41:00.000-08:00

Show me a Hotter Girl and ill give you a Million dollars.

2009-02-13T14:18:00.000-08:00

A Lovelly Day podcast

2009-02-11T16:49:00.000-08:00

Click the Banner or Here to Download!

A Ghost is Dead

2009-02-10T11:37:00.000-08:00

Yesterday was fun. We stopped at a shitty mall, but it was fun. Walked around a little bit,then Alan and i did our podcast. It was alot more fun then i even thought itd be. I think it came out funny and sweet. Then we rode around on Joes moped thing alot. Things sweet. I love going real fast and being a super asshole on it haha. It makes me want my Motorcycle soooo bad. Watched Forrest Gump to end the night. Now were about to stop in Arizona and Hang out,prob get some of my Merch work done in the Trailer. Only a Vampire can love you forever.

Heaven?

2009-02-09T19:30:00.000-08:00

--Josh Lovell

Taste Of Chaos merch sneak peak!

2009-02-08T23:28:00.001-08:00

Some of the stuff youll be seeing. Along with more!

Fuck ya!

2009-02-08T15:35:00.000-08:00

--Josh Lovell

2009-02-08T13:45:00.000-08:00

Cross country. It feels like home. Although in my heart i feel like im crying all day I'm doing pretty good with moving on into this tour right now. Watching alot of movies in the bus,which obviously im down for. I love movies. I got a Johnny Cash shirt lastnight,so there's one of my goals haha. Also tonight Alan and i are doing our podcast,so there's another. things are slowly getting better, I hope i can stay strong and make a decision for myself on where to go next in life.
On another note I almost bought like silky red fabric to line my bunk with to make it more like a coffin. I might do it next wal-mart trip haha. Gotta spook that shit up and make it my own.
Crossin the Mississippi.

Ihop in tennessee

2009-02-07T23:50:00.001-08:00

Yup!
--Josh Lovell

When demons start the invasion...

2009-02-07T16:30:00.000-08:00

I am in the shittiest place right now. I cant believe this is my life. I dont know what to do.

What is this??

2009-02-06T15:05:00.000-08:00

--Josh Lovell

Lastnight

2009-02-06T14:23:00.000-08:00

Bye Boston.
--Josh Lovell

New myspace name?

2009-02-05T14:23:00.000-08:00

Maybe
--Josh Lovell

Goals

2009-02-04T15:54:00.000-08:00

-Get a motorcycle
-Be a little bit happier(just a little)
-Get a Johnny Cash Shirt
-Be the best fucking TM for FYS this summer
-Keep in touch with my Mom better
-Get my band with Dan and Alan going
-Get Alan and I's podcast going

I want this!

2009-02-03T19:23:00.001-08:00

My day part 2

2009-02-03T16:57:00.000-08:00

Pumped on this. Wow has today been boring.
--Josh Lovell

I'm about to be in heaven

2009-02-03T13:14:00.001-08:00

This looks sooo good!
--Josh Lovell

takes one to know one.

2009-02-02T10:42:00.000-08:00

3 days left in Boston. Then its off to Worcester for a few days. Then Friday night I'm gone. Id like to say that I'm going to miss something,but I'm not. I want to leave more than anything. I actually got some awesome tour news yesterday. Evan is going to be tour managing and guitar teching for White chapel this summer on the Mayhem tour( that tours with Slayer and Marilyn Manson btw haha). And that means I'm going to be TMing for Four Year!! I'm really pumped on the opportunity. I've been wanting to make the jump for awhile now,but didn't want to leave the FYS dudes, so this works out perfect for me. Sooo maybe life is taking a turn for the better. Woooo!

Birthday dinner

2009-02-01T16:13:00.000-08:00

With peps
--Josh Lovell

You make me fucking sick.

2009-02-01T11:21:00.000-08:00

I'm sick in so many ways today. I wish i could act as fake as you and think in happy all the time, but i cant do that. My heart has been killing me for so long that its becoming a part of me. I'm hoping it becomes like when you're sick for so long that once you get over the sickness one day you're just like "oh shit I'm not sick anymore" but i doubt that's how it will be. I'm constantly thinking about "what i should do" but maybe its not about that. Maybe its about what i shouldn't do. Who i shouldn't have in my life. I don't even know. I do know one thing. Saying you're doing everything for me is pathetic not to mention a lie. YES the type of girl that i want to be with partys all night and is hanging out with and all over different dudes all the time to fill the void that she doesn't want to have any alone time with. She sees me out somewhere and acts super awkward and cant even handle talking to me. Ditches her friends because shes gotta have as much "fun" as possible. Permanent fixes. Loving yourself. Being able to be alone and not needing a "band-aid". I'm so fucking disgusted and i don't even know how to express myself. This entry probably makes no sense. the thoughts are pretty random. But i felt like i needed to get something out. That's part of the reason i have this.

On a different note i saw my Mom yesterday. Shes doing alot better then she was,but told me that she needs me to need her,if that makes sense. I feel like maybe i spend too much time trying to need no one and forget that there actually are people there for me. Something hard to trust when so many let me down. maybe I'm hard to please. Maybe i don't give people another chance. But if you know my past you know how many times I've been burnt. You know how many people that most take for granted that i don't have. I don't blame anyone but my self for anything bad in my life, but i also don't hate myself for it. Its time to really grow up kids. And if no one can do that then i need to leave it all behind. And give it plenty of second and third and forth thought,but not let anyone know that i am.

Oh,lets end it on a good note. Happy Birthday Jocelyn. You're 21 now. Be careful and have fun. I don't really know what its like to drink and turn 21 but i bet its pretty sweet but don't get tooo crazy.
Tour cant come soon enough.

2009-01-30T15:19:00.000-08:00

I am FUCKING pissed off at life right now. And if you ask me why,youre only going to make me more mad. FUCK

I got my night planned.

2009-01-30T11:04:00.001-08:00

Sincerely Me

2009-01-29T14:53:00.000-08:00

I'm in a good mood today. Kind of a rarity. I'm listening to NFG. Another rarity. Tonight I'm going out to dinner with Hilary,it'll be good to catch up with her and see whats going on in her world. She was once my best friend in the world, so its always good to see her. I'm really glad that i can have a good relationship with her actually. We dated for a long time and had alot of ups and downs and it didnt end in the best way, but thats not what matters. It was a part of both of our lives that we can forget. Its weird to think that alot of my friends arent even as old as i was when her and i broke up, because i feel like i was so immature and didnt know shit about myself back then. I guess kids grow up faster these days though. I honestly feel like I'm the very end of a generation. I use myspace and texting and blah blah but i feel like anyone ever slightly younger than me has theres wholes lives center around things like that. Like they dont know any other way. I dont know,i could be totally wrong. the world is fucking weird. Well whatever, i hope someday i can have as healthy a relationship with some other girls in my life that ive been involved with as i do with Hilary. Oh well. Maybe paper tonight.

No Heat. Only Cold.

2009-01-28T20:27:00.001-08:00

We have no heat cause it ran out and they cant come give us more oil til tomorrow. i burned all the cardboard in the house and the 2 new phone books haha. Today i didnt do shit. which i like sometimes. I didnt go to work cause fuck it. Kate and I however did venture outside to Joshua Tree. I ate steak tips,weird. But yaaaaaaa

Check this out if you havent yet. WWW.ALOVELLYDAY.COM

Just got these.

2009-01-27T16:43:00.001-08:00

Sooooooo good!

this looks good

2009-01-27T11:49:00.001-08:00

Adventureland trailer in HD

hair cut

2009-01-27T11:27:00.001-08:00

i like it. i dyed it too. i hate how you can always see the black on the scalp though. itll go away within a couple days though. whateveerrrrrrrr. I called out of work yesterday,just to sit around and do nothing haha. I kinda never want to work again haha. maybe ill call out again today haha.
Fuck it!

Is this hell?

2009-01-26T23:43:00.000-08:00

Last night i went to the This Is Hell show with Matty. It was good to see those dudes,and my boy Anthony. They were good,the rest of the bands fucking sucked and we left early. Travis gave me some Support shirts and im going to be selling them on Taste of Chaos. So come out and Support by buying a shirt.

cant wait for this!

2009-01-26T21:03:00.000-08:00

Star Wars

2009-01-26T12:15:00.000-08:00

Fuck ya!

2009-01-26T10:09:00.000-08:00

frank and beans

2009-01-25T14:10:00.000-08:00

I forgot how FUCKING funny this movie is.

This is Hell tonight.
Tour soon!

JEFFREES HERE!!

2009-01-25T01:07:00.000-08:00

LOLZ

Bacon and Pinnapple

2009-01-24T17:56:00.001-08:00

Yesterday i hung out with matty most of the day.
We played some Yattzee and saw the new Underworld movie.
Obviously i loved it. Those movies rule. Who doesnt like Vampires vs. Werewolves?
Then today Matty picked me up and i got tattooed again. Hang outz with Zane were fun.
Now I'm in Stoughton chillin with my dudes. Went to Town Spa. niiccceeeeekiddudebroguy

"Chicken pot pie.
Chicken? Pot? Pie?

They should just call it tits!!!"

pain is my best friend

2009-01-23T22:16:00.000-08:00

pain is my best friend
with it im not alone
i feel it in my heart
i feel it in my bones
it takes my breath away
pain is my best friend
it makes me feel so cold
it makes me want to die
but its been here for so long
it makes me feel at home
pain is my best friend
and so are you...

Danzig is watching Planet Earth...

2009-01-23T18:45:00.000-08:00

..and trying to attack foxes and elephants hahaha

Fuck it all

2009-01-23T10:44:00.000-08:00

nothing ever changes
cause everything was meant to fail.

Want this.

2009-01-22T10:58:00.000-08:00

Young Until I Die

2009-01-21T23:28:00.000-08:00

That's me as a youngin on the right with the ninja turtle. I miss being a kid. I miss riding my bike to my friend Jason's house and just going skateboarding and getting excited about "new" bands everyday all day. Everything was just so new and the possibilities seemed endless.

Then you get older... and you realize that there isn't just a point where everyone snaps and is a grown up, yet you cant just stay a kid your whole life. You realize that you never did get good at skateboarding,and you obviously didn't go pro. All that music that was "new" was just the only good stuff that really ever came out, and now you're just left with a bunch of crap. You see yourself turning 24 and not getting married and not having a house and not having really anything of "value".

BUT this isn't completely a downer post. I can look back on my life, where maybe i don't have anything of monetary value, and i see my experience. I see the things that i haven't given into. The things that despite the worlds pressures and brainwashing i have avoided. All and all despite my miserable demeanor i have lead an amazingly happy life, and i see it getting even better in the future. I love my job, I love where my mind is at/going, and i love all of my real close friends. So i look back on this picture and think that the 5 year old,or whatever age i am in this pic, would be happy with who I've become today. So heres to the future.

Losing again

2009-01-21T11:10:00.000-08:00

Going through the motions
Can't turn back time
I've lost all devotion
I've had inside
Like anyone I've learned to play like I'm blind
I've learned to believe I'll always get by
So many times I've wished my emotions would just give in
So I could be anything
Anything but human
Like anyone I've learned to play like I'm blind
I've learned to believe I'll always get by
Life moves on or so I'm told
Life moves on when you're gone.

My Night

2009-01-21T00:31:00.000-08:00

NBA Live 2006 YUP! i never have to leave the house.

Lets hope hes not full of shit.

2009-01-20T12:17:00.000-08:00

Another night,another life

2009-01-18T23:08:00.000-08:00

what has become of...
what is left?
there are 2 sides to every disagreement
how about 3?
this has gone on far too long
the things that have happened
the things that have been said
forget it all or forget me
its been about you
whoever you are
but now its about me
love? in love?
hate? in hate?
in love i find hate
in hate i find more hate
so whats the difference anyway
i dont know
not until im taught
so quit and be quit
ill run and hide and maybe never come back
then youll kick yourself for what you did and didnt do
so cry cry cry fucking cry.........

Life is good

2009-01-17T18:08:00.001-08:00

BE MINE

2009-01-16T12:17:00.000-08:00

What Happened to the Passion?

2009-01-15T12:18:00.001-08:00

Today is sooo cold. I'm in a good mood despite my confusions,so i think thats good. Im looking forward to the weekend for once because im working now and because C is coming into the city. Pretty pumped! also game night Saturdaynight which should be fun. In less than a month ill be in California on tour. i dont like Cali much,but i cant wait to get out on tour again. I need sometime away with my thoughts and i know you do too. Times are a-changing.

hyper

2009-01-15T00:25:00.001-08:00

Everyday

2009-01-14T12:50:00.000-08:00

Everyday it's a-gettin' closer
Goin' faster than a roller coaster
Love like yours will surely come my way
A-hey, a-hey-hey
Everyday it's a-gettin' faster
Everyone said, go ahead and her
A-hey, a-hey-hey
Everyday seems a little longer
Every way love's a little stronger
Come what may
Do you ever long for, true love from me
Everyday it's a-gettin' closer
Goin' faster than a roller coaster
Love like yours will surely come my way
A-hey, a-hey-hey

Everyday seems a little longer
Every way love's a little stronger
Come what may
Do you ever long for, true love from me
Everyday it's a-gettin' closer
Goin' faster than a roller coaster
Love like yours will surely come my way
A-hey, a-hey-hey
Love like yours will surely come my way
-Buddy Holly

My dad used to sing this song all the time. What i like about it though is that it doesnt make me feel bad about my dad,it makes me feel good because its a song he used to sing only when he was in a really good mood.

Life lately doesn't make much sense,but that would be saying that sometimes it does. I started working again, not to into it but I'm good at it and I'm making 14.50 an hour sooo that's pretty good. I need to do something good this weekend...

new shit

2009-01-13T11:21:00.001-08:00

http://shop.ebay.com/merchant/pleasedie!lovell

We are the future history,lets make this past mean something more.

2009-01-12T20:31:00.001-08:00

Have you ever done something? I have! OH BOY! I worked today.... fuck that shit. it sucked. I only have a few weeks of it though,get some tattoos,pay some bills. you know the deal. Im in a crazy mood because i sat at a desk all day and have soooo much energy. Kinda fucked upppp. Does anyone read this? just wondering...

selling some stuff online

2009-01-12T11:23:00.000-08:00

http://shop.ebay.com/merchant/pleasedie!lovell_W0QQ_nkwZQQ_armrsZ1QQ_fromZQQ_mdoZ
more to come.

Vanna

2009-01-12T11:15:00.001-08:00

watch this video!

I'm a sinking ship drowning by a burning bridge.

2009-01-12T00:34:00.000-08:00

You don't want to know why i can't quite talk.
You don't want to know what makes my heart stop.

You can't live til youre ready to die.

2009-01-10T13:04:00.000-08:00

I feel like i cant relate with anyone. Sometimes i think I've grown up too much,sometimes not enough. I'm in some like weird transition period and i don't know how to continue and get out of it. I really just want to leave for tour. I haven't been home for this long since June and i don't really think i suits me. I also feel like I'm letting everyone down. I wish i could hibernate though the winter.

New Shit

2009-01-08T18:21:00.000-08:00

Started up a new tattoo.

Right now

2009-01-07T18:37:00.000-08:00

--Josh Lovell

i never have to leave

2009-01-07T17:04:00.000-08:00

This is what i do now.

I have 2 Blogs?

2009-01-07T14:05:00.000-08:00

My Bests of 2008

2009-01-05T20:19:00.000-08:00

Best Band-Four Year Strong

Best Album-Energy-Invasions of The Mind

Best Moment-Being able to get paid to tour

Best Person-C!

Best Girl-Isla Fisher

Best Movie-Dark Knight

Best Purchase-Macbook

maybe more to come.

Twitter

2009-01-05T07:31:00.000-08:00

I've had this for awhile to follow the fys one but now realize people actually use it. sooooo http://twitter.com/thejoshlovell

blog shmog

2009-01-04T18:49:00.000-08:00

fuck it all

Elvis

2009-01-03T11:46:00.001-08:00

Friends

2009-01-02T10:26:00.000-08:00

some group shots over the years.

Black Soul

2009-01-01T17:58:00.000-08:00

kate and i both wore all black like our souls haha.
Actually alot of people at the party ended up wearing all black.
It was good to see and talk to some people i havent seen in awhile.
I worked out today,that felt good. its something ive always loved but it got lost on me so its good to get back into it.
Its soo cold that i never want to go outside. haha

One Year Ago.

Two Years ago.

Happy the next day!

2008-12-31T23:00:00.000-08:00

cause thats what it is.
why am i so bitter?

HOME

2008-12-30T16:09:00.000-08:00

im home now. sweeeeeetttt. see everyone soon.
suck my pussy

2008-12-29T11:23:00.000-08:00

Its gonna be cold,its gonna be grey,and its gonna last you the rest of
your life.

Breaking bottles behind Wawa.

2008-12-28T23:26:00.000-08:00

This is how good i looked yesterday.
I dressed for success and it was successful. haha
Very hectic day,but it went well.
I'm doing merch for FYS and Tour Managing Energy.
Its more work then i thought I'd be to do 2 jobs,but i love it.
I fucking wish this tour was more than 4 days. i could do this for 4 months probably.
My lifes at weird point right now,but im happy. At least i can stay focused on work and love it,thats more than most people can say.
I dnt know. im really good at random thought. i guess you can tell i didnt go to college.haha
brwaking bottles behind WAWA.

Keep the Christ out of Xmas.

2008-12-25T02:32:00.000-08:00

It feels good to be in my old house with my Mom. She Needs me more than i thought and i really need to make an effort to be there for her.
Also happy to be in Stoughton with Al. he got sometime to come and see his family and friends. Him and his family/everyone that goes to als are more my family than anything.
I also cant wait to go out on this 4 day tour. I'm really excited for Energy to be there,and its gonna be really good for them to play these shows. Pre-sale for the Holiday Show is already 2100,which is INSANE like the Clown Posse.

Death Breath

2008-12-24T13:30:00.000-08:00

the sun goes down, we come out
the sun comes up, we come down
we lived fast and died pretty

"We're all vampires and we own this fucking night"

I'm not homesick, I'm just so sick of going home
I've been walking these streets for days
in search of blood yeah.
I'd kill for the sun to never rise again
I'd do anything, oh anything

so tie a rope around my neck, pull it tight
until it breaks. You can't kill us
we'll never fucking die.
I want to sink my teeth into all of you
if only I could show you just how sweet this could be
but you leave a bad taste in my mouth
so spit it out, so spit it out

I don't know how to cry...

2008-12-22T23:33:00.001-08:00

I miss my Dad so much.
My Mom is a wreck,she hasnt been to work in months.
Anti-depressants that make her feel ever worse.
There's another reason to feel that way that i do about drugs.
Sometimes i just wish i had a family.
I have friends,but who actually cares?
I seem to be unable to make Love work.
I guess im just destined to be Lonely.
Alone in a crowd.

Alan day XXXmas party

2008-12-22T00:01:00.000-08:00

Tonight was a lot of fun. Defiantly what i needed to get my Miserable self out of the rut and into a better mood. A lot of it was Alan's friends that i don't know that well, but it was good to get to know them a little bit better and maybe actually have a holiday tradition.

Regret.

2008-12-21T14:19:00.001-08:00

I'm sorry. Things didn't go the way that I had hoped. The way that I was
sure they would. I guess it just comes down to no matter how well you
get along with someone it doesn't mean that you'll work together. Or
maybe it comes down to my inability to be happy. Either way its probably
my fault and I'm sorry.
--Josh Lovell

Come What May

2008-12-20T21:51:00.000-08:00

For a Straightedge dude im pretty self destructive.
I need to be happy. Im way to miserable all the time.

I start my job January 5th.
I have 4 days of Tour after Xmas.
I see things changing for the better,maybe. Ha.

Heartless

2008-12-18T20:01:00.000-08:00

I have no money. I'm pretty sure i just about ruined my credit. I have no job.
Oh well, fuck it.

I actually got my old job back today but i don't start until January 5th. So i need something to occupy my time/need some money to hold me over between now and then. I'm sure it will all work out. It usually does.

I find myself not caring about anything lately. And i mean anything. I just think about how much everyone sucks and that you don't ever hit that point of happiness. I need a new perspective on life. I need to be a little bit more responsible. I need to make a future for myself.These are a lot of random thoughts,but its what i've been thinging lately.

Heavy

2008-12-16T22:01:00.001-08:00

2008-12-16T17:55:00.001-08:00

i need a fucking job.....SHIT

V''''''V

2008-12-16T13:08:00.000-08:00

Next few days

2008-12-15T16:02:00.000-08:00

im sick of this.

2008-12-11T15:05:00.000-08:00

Nothing ever does change.
Different versions.
Different outlooks.
Fool yourself.
Fool everyone else.
If you think.
If youre capable.
You realize, it didnt change.
And youll never hit that point you spent your whole life thinking about.
Youll never hit that future you looked forward to with such anticipation.
Youre stuck forever.
In this world of sames.
In this world of lames.

I need something new,i need change. HA!

Lately..

2008-12-11T14:33:00.000-08:00

This is what i Listen to.

.

2008-12-09T16:55:00.000-08:00

Tell me youre empty.
Tell me youre sad.
Give me every excuse.
I'll fill you with hate.
I'll fill you with pain.
It will feel good at first.
It will feel new.
But we all know everything catches up with you...

oh ya..

2008-12-06T20:44:00.000-08:00

My new tattoo.
Dracula got fucked up!!

six

2008-12-06T20:32:00.000-08:00

Its almost 2009. I am happy with my life. Happier than i have ever been. Heather and i have our room and our apt. its awesome. i like having a place that i can feel is home. Went to Stoughton for the night yesterday. It was awesome, alot of friends hanging out. Got to see alot of friends that i missed. Then i went and got a sweet tatty done today. On the way i saw that my mom was home and called her. She took an extra week off because she was sick so i went to my moms and got to hang out with her and my brother for a while. It was awesome. Now I'm home and wishing heather was here.

Hold On To Your Friends

2008-12-05T12:01:00.001-08:00

A bond of trust
Has been abused
Something of value
May be lost
Give up your job
Squander your cash - be rash
Just hold on to your friends

There are more than enough
To fight and oppose
Why waste good time
Fighting the people you like
Who will fall defending your name
Oh, dont feel so ashamed
To have friends

But now you only call me
When youre feeling depressed
When you feel happy im
So far from your mind
My patience is stretched
My loyalty vexed
Oh, youre losing all of your friends

Hold on to your friends
Hold on to your friends
Resist - or move on
Be mad, be rash
Smoke and explode
Sell all of your clothes
Just bear in mind :
Oh, there just might come a time
When you need some friends

hitting bottom

2008-12-05T11:55:00.000-08:00